The (not so) long and the short guide to sporting a pair of shorts. A primer for those endowed with Adonis’ calves and dad bods.

The fundamental problem is that most men really don’t understand shorts at all even on a basic level. The first issue to get out of the way is to realise and accept that boxers aren’t shorts; they’re underwear. So do not be seen wearing them in public, on your morning walk and definitely not taking a dip in the pool or the beach. And while touching on the water, it might be okay to walk from the car to the beach and back or by a poolside in your nylon swimming trunks, but it is criminal to be seen in them anywhere else in addition to the fact that they heat up everything that is contained in them.

The second problem is that men don’t understand what cuts and lengths of shorts suit them and why. Chances are that you’ve endured an adolescence wearing ill-fitting shorts at school. Life becomes harder as you’re reaching puberty. A faint thin line appears on your upper lip or a wispy growth on the chin and your legs start displaying signs of early manliness. Growing up would have been unbearable if your shorts were hand-me-downs from an older brother or a bigger built classmate.

Fast forward to the advent of the pandemic and you might have found yourself in similar territory; repeating those very mistakes of not knowing what to do with your shorts. Your wardrobe is probably bursting at the seams with the shorts that you’ve bought over the last two years or so. And if you’re one of the many men who’re wondering “how did I get here” and “what do I do with all these shorts”, the answers are simple. You had nowhere to go so you bought them to laze, lounge, exercise, get on video calls or whatever other justification you’d like to give and now that you have them, there’s an easy way to figure out what to do with them; wear them with panache.

The use of shorts among men became predominant during colonial times in India and later in the second world war when Europeans who could not cope with tropical and desert climates took to wearing them to beat the heat and humidity. It wasn’t long after that wearing shorts in public became acceptable. Though shorts are acceptable at informal occasions, the jury is still out on wearing them to work and in formal society. Culturally speaking, wearing shorts to work in the Caribbean is perfectly acceptable. (Now you know how Bermuda shorts came around) As with the trouser it was inevitable that the use of cuts, styles and fabrics crept into designing and producing shorts.

This brings us to the first rule of how to rock shorts. Pick the right weather and the fabric for the garment. India being warm for most of the year is ideal for shorts and linen, cotton twill (with a slight blend of synthetic yarn) or seersucker are perfect choices of fabric as they are breathable. Other fabrics like dobbies and chambrays have a softer hand feel and can be sported at informal gatherings, if paired with the right tops and accessories.

Paramount to comfort is a free flowing cut that allows for air circulation and ventilation in all the right places, which brings us to the styles (or types of shorts) and who can wear them, where and how.

Running shorts are made with synthetic yarn that tend to dry quickly after a run or a work out. They have ample “give” for easy movement and are lined with a net-like fabric that also functions as your underwear. Gym shorts and swimming trunks are also made from synthetic fabrics and tend to be about three inches long from the inseam. Tailored shorts should be flat-fronted and worn ever so slightly below the waist. Depending on your build type, especially the legs, the thumb rule is not too far above or below the knees. Typically an inseam length of seven to nine inches is perfectly acceptable. Whether the wearer’s body is athletic, muscular, lean, portly or in middle age neglect, shorts should never be tight and restrict movement. It defeats the purpose for what they were designed in the first place. The fashion faux pas proof measure is that the length of the shorts (from the out seam) should cover a third of the legs from the waist down.

Slim men can wear a slightly snug or tapering silhouette with an inch or inch and a half at the hem and the middle aged guy should opt for straight legs to disguise the beginnings of a “family pack” at the waist. Such bodies should definitely not wear Bermudas nor elasticated waistbands, no matter what they have to say about the latter’s “convenience”. Of course, if you have that v-shape, then you could pretty much rock any style.

Cotton blended with a touch of Lycra provides added comfort and soft feel. Solid colours with or without tiny all-over prints can make the fabric standout and add a certain amount of irreverence. The choice of colours tends to be largely universal. If a room of even 50 people are asked what their favourite colours are; blue, black, khaki, white and grey make up 90% of the count. That isn’t to say that a brick red, canary yellow, parrot green, baby pink and blue or even crimson can’t be worn, but they do tend to limit the colours of shirts to pair with apart from attracting attention. While checks do well on shorts, the same cannot be said for stripes. Restrict floral patterns to swimming trunks only.

Denim as an option is very tricky and depending on how it’s cut, carrying them off can be a mean task. Although they are flat fronted, simply cutting an old pair of jeans at the knees doesn’t mean they’ll look good. Only a man with a seriously nice pair of legs (read athletic with calves like Adonis) should try to pull off denim shorts. Similarly, pleated and cargo shorts look ungainly because they end abruptly. Pleats and cargos need to have full flowing legs, without which they look like the tailor was either too lazy or didn’t have fabric for the job.

There are some other rules (yes, they do apply) on the length and type of shirt to be worn on top. Anything with a collar can be either tucked in or left out. Crewnecks and v-necks are always out. The safe play is to have the hem of the shirt finish at the crotch. Straight hemmed collared shirts can finish about an inch higher and rounded about an inch or so lower. If shirts are tucked in, the waist can also be belted and colour coordinated with the shoes for a dapper look.

Finally there is the footwear. Socks should never be seen, unless you’re playing a sport. Depending on the type of shirt picked, one can sport boat shoes, loafers, flip flops, sandals or sneakers. Adding a jacket or hoodie is a great way to up the style quotient and a cotton or linen blazer at an off site work mixer will have you standing out for all the right reasons.

Though there is no real consensus on the appropriateness of shorts at the workplace, it is gaining ground. If you do decide to show up in shorts, it would be sensible to ask around if the organisation is okay with it. There are written and unwritten dress codes in personal and professional lives and while it is okay to push the envelope and bend the rules now and then, bringing the house down is another matter. Whatever your choice, being fashionable means to be able to carry off a look because at the end of the day, you eat for yourself and dress for others.